THE ABANDONED CHILD
“Life, misfortunes, isolation, abandonment, poverty, are battlefields which have their heroes; obscure heroes, sometimes greater than the illustrious heroes.” – Victor Hugo
Today, I wanted to re-encode, and post the story I had read, I hope you will get something, very interesting story, and you will learn. I don’t know but I couldn’t stop my fingers to re-encode and share this story. This is an opposite story of mine. I refined these stories based on the free book I had downloaded from the internet. “Based on true life stories”
And it begins here, Kathleen Maddox ran away from home when she was 15. Her mother was strict, overbearing, and cold. When Kathleen’s father would try to be affectionate toward his wife, she would push him away, telling him he was “vulgar.” After years of suffocating under her mother’s control, Kathleen had enough and ran away.
Now that she was finally free, she could do whatever she wanted. She drank too much and had promiscuous sex. When she was only 16, Kathleen found out she was pregnant. She ended up having a son who never knew his father or had a real father figure. Kathleen was a terrible mother. She would leave her son and disappear for days or weeks at a time. Eventually, she was convicted of armed robbery and was sentenced to 5 years in prisons.
Her son was then sent to live with distant relatives who didn’t even really want him. His new dad called him a sissy and dressed him like a girl for his first day of school, saying he wanted to teach the little boy to act like a man.
A few years later, when Kathleen was paroled, her son came to live with her again. But she kept living her life without any concern for her young, impressionable child. She would drown herself in alcohol every day and sometimes sell her body for money to buy more. Before long she lost custody of her son. He would spend years being shuffled through reform schools. But the schools weren’t any better for him in one school; both older boys and guards sadistically sexually abused him. When he had the chance, he ran away.
At 18, he was a legal adult, so he was released into society to fend for himself. For the next 15 years, he was in and out of prison for stealing cars, pimping, and transporting prostitutes from one state to another, he also got extra time for assaulting and sodomizing other inmates.
After he was paroled, he gathered a group of about 50 college graduates, pushers, pimps, and Satanists. Over the next two years, they would see him as a mentor, lover, father figure, and even Christ-incarnate.
Together, they went on one of the most horrific crime sprees of the 20th Century. He led a chain of barbaric, highly publicized crimes, including two-dozen murders and ritualistic killings. His followers have now been in prison for over 30 years and will probably never be paroled.
Charles Milles Manson was an abandoned and rejected child born to an oppressed mother-a child who was so filled with rage that he grew up to lead a sadistic gang of other abandoned rejects to strike terror into an entire nation.
Prisons are filled with people who were abandoned or rejected by their parents. A counselor who has worked with prisoners for 25 years said he has never met a prisoner who genuinely loved his dad. He also learned that 95% of prisoners on death row hated their fathers. There’s got to be a connection.
My “Prison” Years
“Most of the time God seemed to be as absent from my life as my father, so I blamed Him equally for my miserable condition.”
It’s hard to imagine that Charles Manson and I had anything in common, but the truth is we did-I was also abandoned and rejected by a parent.
When we were 11, my twin brother, Joseph, and I were sent away to a Catholic boarding school. We would never again live at home. From then until I graduated high school, I lived in an oppressively strict, religious environment.
We weren’t allowed to talk in the classrooms, hallways, or dormitory. There were never any caring words or guidance-no one to look to as a parent. I felt completely lost and isolated. I would see my mother when I went home on some weekends, but my father never came to the school, not even for my graduation.
Being abandoned in this rigid, lifeless school system was the most crushing experience of my life. I hated every minute of it and looked for ways to rebel. Joseph and I set the record for demerits.
By the time I was 15, still in the middle of my horrible religious school experience, I decided that if there was a God, I hated His guts. Most of the time God seemed to be as absent from my life as my father, so I blamed Him equally for my miserable condition.
When I was a freshman in college, my peers reminisced about their high school experiences. They would talk about dances and parties and going home to their families every night. I realized my high school experience was anything but normal and far from right.
I had missed out on a lot, and it made me furious. I went back to my old boarding school looking for one of the leaders to punch out. I wanted to hold someone responsible for my pain-to yell at them for the injustice in my life. But when I got there, I found out that the boarding school had been closed down and the leaders were long gone. My graduating class had been the last year.
Wounds of Abandonment
“Our hearts were designed to be filled with the safety and security of loving parents.”
Abandonment is the ransacking of the soul. It invaded the most protected parts of our heart and leaved them in tatters. Lack of emotional nurturing by a father or mother leaves a gaping hole in a child’s heart. A parent’s failing to provide for a child’s emotional needs creates gnawing questions: “If my father doesn’t care about me, am I really worth anything?”
“If my mother doesn’t want to be with me, why would anyone else?”
Abandoned sons and daughters feel discarded by the one(s) they had hoped would love them the most. Instead of having the security and stability God intended in a healthy parent-child relationship, the abandoned are left devalued, questioning their own worth and significance.
The abandoned child will always attempt to fill this void, usually with emotional sedatives: cutting, drugs, alcohol, sexual/relational dysfunctions, and tragically, even suicide.
The abandoned person mistakenly thinks, “Anything crammed into my broken heart is better than nothing.” But forcing something to fit where it was never intended only makes the hole bigger and even harder to fill. It bruises the soul around the edges, making a future “perfect fit” much more difficult.
Our hearts were designed to be filled with the safety and security of loving parents. When that happens, the deepest inner longing of a child is met.
Because my wife, Suzie, had a wonderful relationship with her parents, she has never questioned God’s love for her. She is so stable in her emotional foundation that sometimes it’s difficult for her to understand those who aren’t. Suzie thinks, “Of course God likes me” Why does she thinks that? I believe it’s because she never questioned whether her dad or mom liked her. For her, it’s an emotional “no-brainer.”
I, on the other hand, have had significant difficulty believing God actually likes me. For me, it was the defining question of my life. As long as it was left unsolved, I was tormented, But once this piece of my identity puzzle was in place, I was finally able to be at peace with who I am.
Moses was an abandoned child. The Egyptian pharaoh at the time of his birth issued a command to drown all male children born to Hebrew slaves in the Nile River. Desperate to protect her baby, Moses’ mother sent him floating down the Nile in a basket, believing God would somehow intervene.
As Moses’ sister watched, the pharaoh’s daughter, who happened to be at the river that day, found the baby. She took him from the river and eventually adopted him. Moses grew up and was educated in the pharaoh’s courts. But he knew he wasn’t really one of them. One day Moses san an Egyptian beating a Hebrew. Moses stepped in to save the Hebrew and killed the Egyptian, hiding his body in the sand.
But sin can’t stay hidden for long.
The pharaoh found out about the murder, and Moses was forced to escape to the Sinai Peninsula. He stayed there as reclusive shepherd, alone and unknown for 40 years. But it was in that hidden, lonely time that God prepared him to lead a nation. Once Moses was ready, God brought him back to rescue His people. The man who couldn’t even rescue himself became a rescuer.
God works best when we are fully stripped of all self-confidence. Only His will leads to blessings-He alone knows the infinite ramifications of every decision we make. Through God, an abandoned son took a nation who thought God had abandoned them and led them out of slavery. Moses’ abandonment didn’t just shape his life-it helped make him the man God destined him to be. Everything that happens to us, good or bad, will have positive consequences that stretch throughout eternity once we turn it all over to God to work with.
God chose the abandoned Moses to build Him a tabernacle in the wilderness. God used the abandoned Moses to lead His people for 40 years across a wilderness. Moses’ own 40 years in the wild was the perfect preparation for the next 40. An abandoned son reclaimed his childhood and became a father to the fatherless.
For Moses, abandonment initially lured him into a greater dependence on himself. We usually think of self-reliance as a good thing, but when we depend too much on ourselves, we end up leaving God and other people out of the picture. And that’s never a good thing.
For every abandoned person, trust becomes the major life issue. It would take 40 years in the desert, a burning bush, and multiple miracles for Moses to completely trust God. Even then, at the end of his life, the abandonment issue of trust seemed to resurface when Moses did things his own way, disobeying God.
Here’s the scene: God tells Moses, “You and Aaron must take the staff and assemble the entire community. As the people watch, command the rock over there to pour out its water. You will get enough water from the rock to satisfy all the people and their livestock.”
So Moses did as he was told.
He took the staff from the place where it was kept before the LORD. Then Moses raised his hand and struck the rock twice with the staff, and water gushed out. So all the people and their livestock drank their fill. But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust Me enough to demonstrate My holiness to the people of Israel, you will not lead them into the land I am giving them”
Moses didn’t trust God enough to do it the way He said to, and he suffered the consequences.
Unresolved abandonment will cost us as well. But once our abandoned hearts are healed, we’ll have the amazing opportunity to rescue other people. Jesus guarantees we will be happier giving than receiving. I have spent many years now seeing this truth firsthand.
There is no way to overestimate the happiness of a healed heart.
We can’t stop our fathers from abandoning us, either willingly or otherwise, but we can choose what we do about it. We can allow God to take our pain and make it into something amazing. The Bible says, “Let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
We can’t relive our childhoods, but we can let God help us not be bitter about it.
We need to be far more committed to our healing than to our pain. All pain is temporary, but healing can last forever.
WHEN THE PARENTLESS BECOME PARENTS
“Curses are meant to be broken, blessings are meant to be passed on”
After getting involved with drugs in college, I did everything I could to undermine authority because of my hatred for my father. I led anti-war protests, indulged in “free love,” and watched my college graduation from a hillside while smoking weed with one of my professors.
One consequence of my hedonistic lifestyle was that I got two girls pregnant. I refused one baby was mine and walked away. I demanded the other be aborted.
Little did I know, the cycle of abandonment had been passed down from my father to me.
He didn’t consider me a person.
He couldn’t be bothered by my life.
He rejected me.
I had done the same to my unborn children.
Today I wear a wristband everyday that says LIFE to remember my unborn sons. I don’t wear it out of shame, but because I finally have the understanding and courage to acknowledge that they didn’t just exist, they were my flesh and blood. For the rest of my life, I’ll look forward to seeing them in heaven because I know God is gracious and can make things right.
We were created to follow God all of the days of our lives and enjoy all the blessings that comes as a result. If we choose to believe, we will see our children and grandchildren follow God, too.
You can look into someone’s eyes and see fatherlessness. There were many times in my life when you could have looked into my eyes and you would have clearly seen it.
Maybe sometimes you still can…
I will always wish I had my dad’s approval. No amount of healing in my life will change the fact that he withheld it from me. All of the major challenges I’ve ever faced have been rooted in abandonment and rejection. But I refuse to pass on this curse to my children or grandchildren. So every day, I have to continue to learn how to listen, ask questions, and love as a father.
How I model or don’t model being a father will affect many lives.
The Bible says, “The glory of children is their father.” This word, “glory,” in the original Hebrew language, means “an ornament we display.” Whether we like it or not, we reflect our fathers, both earthly and heavenly.
Reflect the loving heart of your Heavenly Father. Let others see how God can fill any void, heal any pain, and restore what enemies have stolen from our hearts. It is not just a possibility-it’s God’s destiny for your life.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Did you experience rejection or abandonment by one or both of your parents during childhood? If so, how have these experiences impacted your life?
2. Do you think these experiences affect the way you think and relate to your Heavenly Father? Describe ways this affects your relationship with Him.
3. Do you think your mother or father, or both, experienced abandonment or rejection during their life? IF so, how do you think that affected their life and their parenting?
4. Forgiveness is critical to becoming whole because unforgiveness keeps you “stuck” in the pain of the past. Are you willing to begin to forgive your father/mother for childhood wounding? If so, how do you think this decision will affect your healing from abandonment and rejection?
5. Do you have a willingness to ask God for a breakthrough in your areas of rejection and abandonment and begin to better reflect the loving heart of your Heavenly Father to others? If you are willing, how do you think this decision will affect your life and the lives around you?
The whole story that I re-encoded here were already my past since I was abandoned at age 9. I have always remembered my childhood days, adulthood days, and it was already forgiven…
I was cleansed by God, and I accepted what I am, and who I am… This is me, nothing can stop me, and nothing can change me, except God.
For I know the LORD plans for me, to be the father of the fatherless… I don’t understand, but someday I can figure it out my “DREAM | MISSION | VISION”. I don’t know this year 2017; these subjects came into my mind. I don’t know how to start, but someday it will come true.
Help me to fulfill these dreams… By pressing or click the follow me button via WordPress or via e-mail.
Thanks a lot for spending your time reading this post.
Always… – John Snow
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